March 4, 2011

March Is "Stop Your Drama" Month

You know them - the people who create drama when none is there and the people who make a mountain out of a molehill. These people enjoy creating drama. For whatever reason, they feel compelled to make a big deal about everything from the way someone looked at them, to the guy who honked at them on the freeway, to the weather.

We all make drama from time to time. Sometimes we need to create drama to emphasize how important something is. Or perhaps we make drama because we need to vent. Other times, though we make drama to get sympathy, to get revenge, or simply because we have no other tools to deal with what we see as a difficult situation.

Let's stop all this drama, and work together to find peace.

Does that mean giving up and ignoring everything bad that happens to us, or saying, "It's fine no matter what anyone does?" Does it mean to let everyone walk all over us? No, it means to stop our drama so that we can make thoughtful decisions and we give other people room to make thoughtful decisions, too.

There are actually two kinds of drama. Marlene Chism, of Stop Workplace Drama, explains the difference.

"The important distinction is “the” drama versus “your” drama.  The drama happens. The drama is the circumstance…the obstacle we have been talking about. Your drama is how you experience and deal with the obstacle. Do you feel capable to navigate around the obstacle, or do you freak out?" 

Drama happens. It's part of life. Anything that happens that we don't have control over, anything that keeps us from our goals, anything we find challenging, that's "the" drama. "Your" drama is when a person brings in their own personal baggage into a situation and escalates the problem or creates new problems. Most of the time, "your" drama is thinly veiled emotional baggage. 

"The" drama we're all faced with. Watch a person deal with the drama of the world to see who they are. "Our" drama is what we bring into the world ourselves by choice. When a person brings in their own drama, it makes it even harder to deal with the drama that already exists. In essence, they make their own drama the primary target of effort.

"Stop Your Drama" month isn't about fixing other people. It's about making a choice for ourselves to not put our drama on everyone else's plate. Finding ways to deal with difficult situations that help everyone and dealing with our own emotions in a healthy way is a positive alternative to handing a piece of our drama to anyone who will listen.

Passive aggressive behavior, aggression, blaming, complaining without a plan to make things better, bringing up concerns without a purpose, undermining other people's efforts, making jokes at other people's expense, throwing someone under the bus, and spreading rumors are examples of how we create drama.

Stopping our drama means focusing on our goals, connection and support of others, and maintaining our personal integrity. If we all did that, it wouldn't take the challenges away, and it wouldn't be ignoring what's going on. If we all left our drama out of it, it would make the challenges we do face a lot easier to deal with for everyone.

1 comment:

Crystal said...

I'd read this when you first posted it, and was very "Yeah, them drama people need to stop their drama!" Then I moved on. I'm in a funk today and staying on the internet 'cause I'm stalling, 'cause I don't want to do my chores, 'cause I'm in a funk today. It seemed to me it had been a while since I'd read any new Tammy online so I checked it out. Same entry, different me reading it. Thank you for the kick in the pants I needed today. My drama has been duly noted and given notice.

Thank you,