Enthusiastic, But Also Nervous

I just found out that I will be Area Governor for our local Toastmasters district. Toastmasters is a non-profit organization where we practice communication and leadership skills. The meetings focus around public speaking, but there are many other aspects to the training, including project management and group leadership.

I'm looking forward to being an Area Governor, but I'm also nervous. It's something I've never done before. It requires a higher level of responsibility than being a president of a club. And I'll suddenly be working with a lot of people who I've never met.

On the other hand, I know enough people who have served as Area Governor, that I have mentors. There are also several other responsible people working with me, so I won't be doing this alone, or working against the grain.

Having a strong team of experienced and knowledgeable people is something I value in general, but I'm seeing that the higher up we go in responsibility and authority, how essential it is to seek out people who are smarter than we are, and who we can get help and advice from. This is not only true in an organization, but also in our personal lives. I'm experiencing that truth there as well, but that's for another post.

When we dare to grow, push ourselves out of our comfort zone, and do something brave, surrounding ourselves with people who can help makes it far easier to weather the challenges. Being brave alone is doable, but it's so, so much harder to push through without a support crew, especially in the long term.

This past year, I've questioned my strength, questioned whether I'm as brave as I thought I was, and questioned whether I had it in me to do things that are important. Accepting this position is a chance for me to explore this about myself again, to remind myself how strong, brave, and capable I am, while at the same time, doing something I enjoy.

I enjoy working with people to attain a common goal, I enjoy communicating, and I enjoy seeing people succeed. I also enjoy project management, getting things organized, and increasing efficiency. So, this role as the Area Governor should be a good positive challenge. It will also be a good chance to practice mindfulness, compassion, and acceptance.

Zen Podcasts

I found a great series of Zen podcasts. It's from the San Francisco Zen Center. The public lectures are also available in iTunes for free. I listened to one yesterday about emotions, judgment and perception by Edward Brown. I fell in love with his voice, which was so calming and gentle. So opposite of the the constant child-chatter and media-chatter that goes on around me all day, everyday.

Oh, and he also had some great observations about emotions and judgment, and what it means to be "zen". What does it look like to be "zen". I don't know. After his lecture, I still don't know. But I feel better about knowing, because that's the point.

Toastmasters

I went to a Toastmasters meeting today. I have wanted to go to one for a long time, but was a little intimidated. And I didn't have a clear reason to go other than curiosity.

Well, now that I've been doing some public speaking and I'm working on a book (isn't everyone?), I figured that now's a good time to check into it and see if it could help me with my public presence.

I am a rather quiet person in general. But get me in front of a group, or in a situation where I get to make some kind of schpeal, and I'm OFF. blah, blah, blahdiddy blah blah. You can't shut me up. I'll even jump on the table if I gain enough momentum.

Funny enough, I'm hoping Toastmasters will help teach me to SLOW DOWN a little more when I'm talking. And from the speeches I heard today, and talking to the people at the group, I think it just might.

I only get 3 minutes to talk, I'm not supposed to repeat myself, avoid filler words, and leave space between my words and thoughts. So many concepts that I always knew would help me speak, but this practice might help me integrate it all.

I'll be attending again next week. When I sign up, I'll get a package with all the Toastmaster information.

This venture, on the surface, seems somewhat opposite from my spiritual quest - I've spent a lot of time working on my insides, and being in the moment, being quiet while being alone, and when I'm with people, allowing the situation to unfold without feeling the need to control it or direct it. And now, I'm stepping out and placing myself in the middle of this group whose purpose is to practice being "on", and directing the group, at least for the duration of my speech.

But ultimately, these two practices - meditation/spirituality and public speaking - are the same thing. Both focus on being in the now, acceptance, being unattached to the results and helping others. Perhaps it's because I'm learning to put myself into the now and accept things as they are with less expectations that I'm ready to try Toastmasters. I don't think I would have been ready a couple of years ago.

Who knew that I could grow so much in my 30's? I thought that teens and twenties were the time for growing, but I'm finding, that it's always the time. Being awake means non-stop growing.

I LOVE that. And for that reason alone, even if I didn't count all the other benefits, I think Toastmasters will be a good experience for me.

I'm ready. For whatever happens.