Jesus Will Return - How Will We Know When He Does?

I was behind an old Toyota sedan on the freeway yesterday, and it had a bumper sticker on it that said, "Jesus will return."

And since I was driving in traffic and had nothing better to do, I started thinking about this.

I have a few questions.

How will we know when he returns? 

Assuming the Bible and what we know of the history of that time is true, when Jesus came the first time, there was mixed opinion about whether he was actually the son of Ywhw. In fact, there were people who really did not like him, as we know by his having been crucified along with other riff raff of the time.

So, if Jesus did return, how would we know it's really him? Let's say our neighbor Joe decides he's Jesus, and a group of  people also agree with him. But a lot of other people don't agree with him that he's Jesus. What could he possibly do to convince us? He could change water to wine - but hey, magicians can do that. He could part the sea - but have you seen what David Blane can do? (Maybe he's Jesus?)

What form will Jesus take when he returns? 

When Jesus returns, will he have just as limited human powers as when he dropped by the first time, or will he be Jesus 2.0? Will he not be in human form this time? And if he comes down in non-human form, again, how will we know he's Jesus? He could be an alien. How will we know the difference between Jesus 2.0 and an alien?

Let's say an alien comes down and kills off half of the humans, and then sucks up the rest of us to be slaves in their dolarium ore mine on planet Elipta? How will we know he's not Jesus?

And lastly, what if Jesus came back and told us all to be good to one another, give up our riches, take care of our planet, and put down all of our weapons? 

Would the women in the old Toyota still listen to him? Or would she ignore him, because he's not the kind of Jesus that she was waiting for to come and pick her as the lucky winner of the rapture lottery?

And this is how I entertain myself in traffic in L.A. when stop-and-go behind a car with a Jesus bumper sticker.