A Zen Joke

Comedy central had this joke today:

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

This is funny, but it's also a moment of zen. Things aren't always what they seem, and we have a choice to approach each situation with loving-kindness, rather than anger or frustration. But then, if the usher had been in a zen frame of mind, this joke wouldn't be funny.

How To Hug a Porcupine - Loving Kindness

I've talked about passive-aggressive people before. Sending them loving-kindness has helped a lot in my recovery in dealing with people who hurt others in indirect ways in order to make themselves feel better and control their world. By sending them loving-kindness, I take myself out of their grip, wish them peace, and then move forward. Well, usually.

But sometimes, it feels like I'm hugging a porcupine.

The problem with hugging a porcupine, is that giving love to him hurts. My initial reaction is to run away or fight. When being threatened by quills, it's hard to be loving.

Perhaps, being poked a little is a short-term price we can pay for long term benefit. Think of how much a porcupine can hurt me I'd get if I fought it. And how much pain I'd feel if I try to push the porcupine away as it moves around me. This produces far more pain and suffering than if I welcome the porcupine, love it, and let it be as prickly as it wants to be. By loving it, it only hurts me a little, and then I'm able to forgive and move on.

By hugging a porcupine, I define how much hurt I receive. I'm showing it I'm not afraid. And when I'm done hugging it, I have less fear of it attacking me. There is no desire to fight it. No desire to run away from the quills.

I'll never be able to get rid of the quills on a passive aggressive personality. And I will never be able to keep them out of my life entirely. But perhaps by deciding on a different approach, and a different perspective, I can make my life easier, and even possibly reduce the porcupine's suffering by not letting their ways take control of me too.

I can't change them. Perhaps one day, I will no longer be angered by them, or feel manipulated, my Buddha nature will shine, and I'll only feel loving kindness towards them and wish them less suffering.

Celebrating Valentine's Day

Celebrating holidays is a mixed bag for me.

I remember passing out Valentine's Day cards in elementary school, and we had to give cards to everyone in the class so that nobody would be left out. But once we hit a certain age, we weren't made to do it anymore. Then, at some point, giving out cards to people was mockable, unless it was to someone of the opposite sex and we were trying to say, "Would you go with me?"

Then in college, I didn't think to give V-day cards to people, except my current beau. I think my dad might have received a couple cards here and there through my 20's.

And then, at some point, I learned the V-day was a creation of the greeting card industry, like so many holidays have been made into these huge gift-giving, card-buying things by commercialism.

So, for a while, I was completely burned out on card-giving. Some people give up meat, I gave up greeting cards. I couldn't stand the waste of paper, nor the waste of money. I also was annoyed that the whole reason that these cards exist is because of the holiday, which was perpetrated by the greeting card company, etc.

Now, I'm not as offended by cards as I once was. But I generally don't give other people cards. When I receive them, I enjoy the intention of the person giving them to me.

So today I was presented with "what to do" about giving something to hubby. I like giving him things that he enjoys, and and I like showing love to my family. I don't need a holiday to do that. But a holiday is a good time to stop and do a special thing, stare my hubby in the eyes and tell him I love him.

What did I end up doing? I wrote him a poem, and got him a six pack of beer, pistachios, some of his favorite cookies and some altoids (also his fave).

For the kids, I got them some candy. Cuz they ooooooh so love candy.

Today, I feel the love. That's what today is about. Not passing out cards. I don't need to pass cards out to every person I know to feel the love. Passing out cards can be done without a loving heart. And some people use cards to show love, but that's certainly not the only way. There are lots of ways to show love.

To me, Valentine's day is a time to focus a lot more than usual on my love for everyone in my life, and everyone in the world. I don't have to make one gift-giving gesture for that intention to make a difference in the world.

Happy Valentine's day to you all. Happy every day to you all. Peace and Loving Kindness to everyone.

The Arguing Buddhist

I saw this post about a Buddhist who is angry with organized religions.

I like Buddhism for its aim for peace, compassion and loving kindness, among other things. But, when we are Buddhist, or any other religion really, and we see something we don't like, whether it be people hurting each other, or the government intruding on our lives, or an organized religion creating suffering in the world - how do we respond? How does one who loves the world and everyone in it, deal with all the things that make people hurt?

It's hard to have loving kindness towards the things that make us hurt.

But that's what Buddhism teaches. And really, many other religions as well. Buddhism doesn't hold a monopoly on acceptance, peace and love.

How do you deal with the suffering of others? How do you keep loving kindness in your heart, and acceptance in your words, while at the same time being honest and forthright towards things that, from a personal perspective, seem wrong and hurtful?