Thrown for a Loop on Thanskgiving

Generally, I don't get stressed during the holidays. I enjoy them. And see them as a chance to see people I love to be around. I also like giving and receiving gifts. Particularly with the kids.

This year, Thanksgiving threw me for a loop, bringing stress in its wake.

My husband's grandmother passed away suddenly.

And. She lives in Japan. Which means, my husband is taking off on an impromptu trip to Japan in three days.

This was incredibly stressful for us all today, to enjoy Thanksgiving while having this in the background.

Things that made this stressful:

1) We thought at first that he was going to have to leave tomorrow, the day after Thanksgiving, in order to make the funeral on time. Fortunately, the funeral isn't until Tuesday, so he has some time.
2) We thought the ticket was going to cost us $1000. And since it wasn't really an option not to go, that would mean a big bye bye to Xmas this year. Fortunately, it worked out that we had enough frequent flier miles for my husband to travel under $100.
3) My husband just returned from a week-long trip to England. That just sucks, and nothing we can do about that. This year will end up being a total of about 5 weeks of us being separated.
4) I will have to give up NaNo. When he as away on his London trip, I got so far behind, I was certain that I wouldn't finish. Somehow, after he returned, I managed to get some momentum, and realized that if I diligently wrote everyday while hubby watched the kids, I'd finish. I would need every day left in the month to do it (and get all my other writing done as well). With hubby being gone another 5 days this month, it will be impossible. I have to wave the white flag. Strangely, I feel relieved.

There are other issues like not having a suit for the funeral, and having to go out in Black Friday craziness to get one, not sure how his work will handle this sudden disappearance, and working around some scheduling conflicts.

But in this all, I have to say, that my hubby was incredible. He managed to cook Thanksgiving dinner. (He cooks, I clean.) Deal with his family crisis, and not lose it. Not even once. I was in awe.

Frankly, he kept me together. I said to him early in the day, "It'll all work out." He proved it.

Everything balances out in the end. It'll be OK. It always is.

Alone and Together

My husband and I have an integrated relationship. We influence each other heavily when we are together a lot. When we are apart, we revert back to another state of who we are without each other.

I suppose that I'm a different person with everyone. Every individual I mean brings out a different part of me. The people who bring out the parts of me I like, I tend to hang around with more. The people who push my buttons or bring out a side of me that I don't like, I tend to avoid.

I probably shouldn't avoid them, since the fact that some people bring out an angry, or frustrated or insincere side of me is a sign that I need to work on something. Or perhaps, it's a sign of my deep judgements and expectations. Instead, I take the easy way out and shy away from those people.

My husband brings out parts of me that rarely get to see the light of day. Parts of me that I would love to show, but can't without putting too much of myself out there for criticism. My hubby gives me a safe place to be me in a way that I can't be me anywhere else.

Generally, I don't believe that other people make us happy. We make ourselves happy. So I like to think that I make myself happy by making the choice of being with my hubby and keeping our relationship strong. I haven't met anyone like him. I'm very glad that ended up with each other 15 years ago.

I miss him. It will be two weeks before I see him again. Until then, I'm on my own. Focusing on my relationship with myself and with my kids. It sure will be nice to have him around again though.